Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Happy Cows?

Ok. I just want to get this rant off my chest. Fuck California. Ok, there I said it. F them right in the A. They think they can create a national advertising campaign to laugh in our faces!? What gives them the right. I would be a little happier if they left it in the air and just said they had the happiest cows. But no, in case that is too open ended for anyone, they have to make it blatantly obvious that what they ACTUALLY mean is that Wisconsin cows are freezing stereotypical yoopers, confined and depressed.

I still remember the big thing in elementary when California surpassed us in dairy sales and the kids who liked throwing out random facts of intelligence would point out that we are no longer the dairy state. And that we had to change our license plate. Felt kind of like losing on homecoming. All the state hung their head and admitted defeat. Which I now get to relive as California jabs us from the west.

Happy Cows indeed.

Ok, in the end I can't be too pissed. Because after my research I found this jewel. Showing that California actually took a stab at themselves. For those of you who don't feel like youtube, it's some cows in Cali, enjoying a foot massage. As the earth splits in two you realize the vibrating foot massage is actually an earth quake. If there's one thing my crazy Geology teacher Mr. Severson wanted us to walk away with in college it was to

"Never move to California. Never. If you do I will not talk to you anymore.
Knowing what I have taught you this semester it would be suicide to move to
I may have paraphrased slightly, but not much... He was a little off his rocker, (Loving rocks most your mature adulthood can do that) but he was adamant that California would not be with us forever. He was very intelligent, so I believe him.

See you in Arizona Bay, Motherfuckers.


Gregor said...

Ha! It's particularly funny when you actually drive through California and see how terrible it is out there. Thousands of cows roaming over sun-fried dirt (all the yellow grass has already been eaten) while dust blows everywhere. No shade for them, either. Those commercials were actually filmed in the 2 days a year when the grass doesn't look like death.

Assailant.9 said...

Mr. Severson! That guy was awesome. Remember on that one field trip when the girl fell into big falls and a fisherman needed to pull her out? Good times.