Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Lawnmower man


I miss mowing the lawn. It sounds weird hearing myself say it, but I really miss that menial house chore. And I'm not talking about a small yard with a bunch of trees and plants you have to steer around. I'm talking about a Huuuuge lawn, thats square and boring. Where you can just put on some good tunes, jump on the riding lawn mower (or push), and just shut off your brain. All you have to do is leave a small light on in the back of your brain that says to follow the line of uncut grass. Drive Drive Drive, Turn right. Drive Drive Drive. . . When I really sit and analyze this I think I most miss cutting the grass when my brain is going in overdrive. The days/weeks/months where you feel a weight on your shoulders, have a project coming up, or a big event of some sort. Days where you just seem like your constantly over-analyzing or processing things even when your at home. When I get overloaded like this I just seem drawn to mowing a lawn. I would probably say that driving has the same release, but if you space out in the car humans could die. With the lawnmower you might just shred your Mom's petunias, or give Whiskers a haircut. On a hot day, just sit down, and go into a trance, just zombie out, so gratifying.

People say the same thing about running, but I must be too competitive, because when I run I think of running faster, racing, getting a PR, stupid things that don't allow me to relax. When you come down to it, the same reasons I fantasize about mowing the lawn are probably the same things that lead me to drink. You don't really care about those stressful things anymore after a beer or two. You just feel like life's good. I wonder what would happen if I had a couple beers and mowed a huge lawn. Would it be the ultimate escape? Would I spontaneously combust? Or would my Dad just get pissed because the lines weren't straight, I missed spots, and I "went too fast". Oh what's that dad? I didn't clean up all the dogshit? Well, guess it's either fertilizer now or caked in between the treads of the wheels. What? I have to clean that out with a stick?

Who am I kidding, I fucking hate mowing the lawn.

3 comments:

MrB said...

I hate mowing lawns as well, when I get a house I will pour concrete all over the grass and plants while laughing maniacally.

Gregor said...

I love mowing the lawn. It's like therapy seeing it all neat and tidy when you get done, plus fresh cut grass is the best smell in the world.

kiltrunner said...

still the best job i ever had as a kid. they say hard labor is good for the soul.

but, if we had a lawn, you would totally be in charge of mowing it.